Notes:
It’s DONE! *screams into a pillow
so as not to alarm the cat* DOOOONE!
Actually, that’s a lie. I still have an epilogue to write, and a Ryan
POV, but the main body of the story is now done. And this chapter is a doozy, guys, there’s
sex and revelations and more sex and plot development and it ends, not with
everything quite wrapped up in a bow, but with hope. And the epilogue will be amazing, I promise.
So, not quite the end, but still a
nice bit of resolution. I hope you enjoy
it, darlins.
Title:
Love Letters
Part Thirty-Nine:
Presenting: You, Me, Us
***
They didn’t even remember to get around
to presents until New Year’s Eve.
There were the basics, of course, the
things that Ben sent along with all the little presents for Ryan’s family. Warm clothes, a lift ticket for the nearest
mountain, the cost of renting skis.
Skiing wasn’t something that Ryan had a natural ability or affinity for,
and his first day working on it was mostly spent in a snowplow position or on
his back, but he seemed to enjoy it, laughing and reaching out to try to kiss
Ben whenever they passed each other, which made for a lot more falling down
than was strictly necessary. Ben was
pretty good on skis, but instead of going off and finding something challenging
he spent all day on the bunny slope with Ryan, dodging packs of small children
taking group lessons and keeping Ryan in his sights.
The tickets to the Museum of
Contemporary Art didn’t count either, not really, that was just something to do
that Ben was pretty sure Ryan would enjoy, and he did. They spent an entire morning there, got lunch
at a nearby wine bar and then came back for most of the afternoon. There were nuances to modern art that Ben was
pretty much oblivious to, but with Ryan along to appreciate it and to describe
his appreciation to Ben, it was easier to enjoy.
“The Pattern exhibition is brilliant,”
Ryan insisted. “It’s a way of exploring
visual dynamics within a set system of rules, and I think the objects that some
of the artists came up with are fascinating.”
“But repetitive,” Ben said as they
walked out, hand in hand, into the cold.
“But that’s the point, to discover ways
of being creative and interesting despite the repetition,” Ryan argued. “Look at it in a wider context and you can
see parallels between the artistic rules and the rules of larger society and
see it as a metaphor for making a unique place for yourself while obeying…oh,
you jackass!” Because he finally saw the
grin on Ben’s face. “You’re just winding
me up, you fuck, why are you so mean?”
“It’s mean that I like listening to
you?” Ben asked as they crossed the street to where his car was parked. “I enjoy hearing you explain things, and you
tend to get self-conscious about it if I straight-up ask, so maybe I…coaxed
you, a little.”
“You said the entire exhibit made no
sense!”
“But I didn’t say it was nonsense,” Ben
pointed out as they got into the car. “I
just said I didn’t get it and you took over from there. And I appreciated the discourse, so thanks.”
Ryan smiled a little. “You’re just about the only person I know who
can use ‘discourse’ in a sentence and make it sound normal.”
“I’ll take that as a compliment,” Ben
said, pulling out into traffic. “Do you
want to eat out tonight?”
“There’s still pizza in the fridge,
right?” Heather had been over last night
with double the usual amount of pizza and beer, and they’d had a surprisingly
good time together. They had ended up
watching episodes of Dr. Who, which both Heather and Ryan had a history with,
and eventually getting drunk on Ben’s vodka when the beer was gone. She’d spent the night on the couch, made a
huge amount of coffee in the morning with the Starbucks blend she’d given Ben
as a Christmas gift, eaten half a loaf of bread in the form of toast and
promised to see them at least once more before Ryan had to leave.
Which, Ben didn’t want to think
about. “Yeah, there’s plenty of pizza.”
“Then how about we just go home and eat
pizza and find something better to do with our time?” There was heat in those words that made Ben
want to pull his shirt collar away from his skin, like it was keeping him from
breathing right somehow.
“Sounds good,” he said, with just a
little bit of roughness to his voice and Ryan smirked, and oh, he was going to
pay for that later.
Sex.
Sex with Ryan. It was
amazing. Everything they’d done before
had been good, very good, so very
good, and maybe it was more the result of anticipation that had done it to him,
but Ben was convinced there was nothing quite so amazing as being inside of
Ryan.
It helped that Ryan seemed to
agree. The day after he arrived, once
they were back from skiing and more than a little bruised, they’d taken a
shower together. Kissing, stroking, and
Ben had been ready to go down on his knees before Ryan stopped him.
“I thought,” he said, a little
breathless and completely hard, “that maybe we could do something
different. Because I love your blow jobs
but I would really, really like you to fuck me tonight.”
Ben was a little surprised and a lot
turned on. “You spent half the day
falling over, you’ve got to be sore,” he pointed out.
“It just got me in the mood to be on my
back,” Ryan joked, kissing a line down the damp skin of Ben’s neck. “Do you wanna?”
“Yes,” Ben said immediately. “Holy shit, yes, just…” He pushed Ryan’s hand away from his
cock. “If you keep touching me you’ll
end up having to wait a lot longer than you want to.”
“Yes, having you spend your refractory
period opening me up will be absolutely terrible,” Ryan said as he rolled his
eyes. “But you love touching me like
that, you love taking your time.”
“Yeah,” Ben said, a little helpless as
Ryan touched him again. “But I can do
that without getting off first.”
“You’ll be desperate by the end.”
“You like me desperate.”
Ben knew Ryan did. He liked seeing the evidence of what he did
to Ben, liked seeing Ben lose control for him.
He liked to see that he affected him, deeply, unreservedly. Ryan loved to make Ben shout and yell and
moan, and Ryan repaid the attention devotedly.
But they’d never gone this far before, and now that it was on the table
Ben knew the wait was likely to be torturous.
So of course, Ryan immediately agreed to it.
They’d spread out on the bed, lube and
condoms at the ready because Ben didn’t like to fumble for them during the act. Ryan was on his stomach, head pillowed on his
arms and one leg hitched up to make space.
Ben knelt between his feet, feeling antsy and spoiled for choice, and he
loved it. “My choice?” he confirmed as
he bent down.
“Yeah, whatever you—Ben!”
Because Ryan hadn’t quite been expecting his tongue, it seemed, not if
the way his breath caught and his hips rose up a few inches was any indication. “Fuck, really?”
“Really,” Ben said, absolutely
sure. He hadn’t done this for anyone in
a long time—he hadn’t wanted to—but he did for Ryan. He’d wanted to in Boston but hadn’t had the
privacy, he’d wanted to in Concord but hadn’t had the time. Now he had both of those, and Ben was
determined to enjoy them. “If you want
it.”
“Um, yes?”
“Good.”
Ben spread Ryan’s cheeks with his thumbs, leaned in and flicked his
tongue over Ryan’s hole. He tasted
clean, still a little damp from their very thorough shower. Ben licked, not penetrating, just smooth,
firm brushes of his tongue over and over until Ryan was completely relaxed and
panting against his arm, on the verge of begging for more but not quite able to
articulate it.
Once Ben thought Ryan was ready he
pulled back and lubed up his fingers. He
opened Ryan slowly, taking in every nuance, every thrust that got him a moan,
the way Ryan pushed back eagerly whenever he added another finger. This part they’d done before, but not with the
same intent. Ben wanted to be inside
Ryan so bad his hands were shaking.
“Now,” Ryan finally broke down and
begged. “Now now now, Ben, c’mon.”
He didn’t have to ask twice. Ben pulled his fingers free and wiped them on
the towel he’d also brought to bed with them, then grabbed the condom. It took way too long to get it on, long enough
that Ryan seemed close to turning around and doing it himself, but when it
finally worked Ben lay his hands on Ryan’s waist, and his lover eagerly pressed
back onto his knees and it only took a moment, just a moment and then…
Holy fuck. Holy fucking
fuck. And…words, they just weren’t
happening. The act defied Ben’s ability
to describe it, which was terrible and wonderful, because Ben wanted to
remember how it felt, he wanted to put adjectives to the perfection that was
being inside of Ryan because that was how he treasured things, but he couldn’t. Not now.
Not with Ryan’s sighs filling his ears, his muttered, “Yes, Ben, oh my
god, please move,” and Ben’s own helpless obedience. They moved together, long, slow pushes that
somehow never became the frantic thing Ben had envisioned, and it was so good that
when Ben came, too soon despite their care, the relentless wash of pleasure
that overloaded every nerve in his body left him next to useless. Thankfully Ryan was close too, close enough
that a quick touch of his own hand was enough to set him off, and when they
crumpled back down to the bed in a slow collapse no one was left waiting.
Ben hadn’t known what to say about
it. Ryan hadn’t asked, either, which was
kind, and they’d spent the rest of the night curled up together, sated and a
little fragile. The next morning had
been normal enough, and the next time they made love had been a more coherent
experience for Ben, so that was good.
That was perfect.
So yes, sex with Ryan was good, better
than ever, and when he brought it up in the car Ben forgot he’d ever had an
appetite for anything else and drove them home as fast as he could manage. His house wasn’t that far from downtown
Denver, and they were already clutching each other once they got in through the
front door.
“What about the other way?” Ryan asked
as he shed his coat, hanging it up—Ben appreciated that—and leaving his shoes
on the mat.
“Hmm?” Ben replied, not quite getting
it.
“The other way. Do you like it?”
His brain cells finally connected. “You mean do I like bottoming?”
Ryan nodded, blushing.
“I’ve only done it a few times, and it’s
been years. I honestly don’t remember much
about it,” Ben said, and that was true.
He’d mostly been high at the time, because he’d been a lucky idiot in
college, lucky he hadn’t ended up doing something or someone he’d regretted and
an idiot because he really couldn’t take credit for that. “We could try it, though.”
“Tonight?” Ryan pressed, coming back
into his arms and kissing the point of his chin.
“Sure.”
Because why not, if Ryan wanted it.
Ben wasn’t like Ryan in a lot of
things. They both liked foreplay, but
Ben didn’t like to be on the receiving end of a lot of close attention, which
meant him doing things to Ryan and Ryan letting him and that being good for
both of them. With more time together
they’d probably work something out, but right now there was too much need, too
much heat and anxiety to spend a lot of time negotiating. Ben knew Ryan wanted to touch him, to spend
time on him, but if Ben was going to be letting Ryan in then he needed to be in
control, and Ryan got that.
Ben prepped himself, fast but thorough. Ryan watched but didn’t touch, not until Ben
was ready. Ben asked if he could ride
Ryan, not wanting to be on his back or looking away, and Ryan grinned.
“C’mere, cowboy,” he teased, laying
back against the comforter and slapping his own hip. “Let’s see if you can stay on.”
“Buck me off and you’ll regret it,” Ben
warned, but he smiled as he shuffled forward and straddled Ryan’s hips. His dick was hard and hot against the crease
of Ben’s ass and Ben rocked back against it, his breath stuttering a little,
ready to take it but not quite, not quite—
“Ben.”
Ryan stroked his hands down Ben’s sides, looking him straight in the
eye. “I love you. We can do anything, it doesn’t have to be
this. Anything you want.”
Ben sighed and relaxed almost
unconsciously. Love, oh.
Right. That was what made this
different, something worth remembering, not just a new thing to experience for
the hell of it. “I want this,” Ben said,
reassuringly, letting Ryan pet him until it was easy to lean forward and get in
the right position, and he let Ryan into his body with a hint of pain, but far
more of a sense of satisfaction. It felt…okay,
not fabulous, but good because it was Ryan.
And Ryan’s eyes were wide and dark and he looked at Ben like Ben had
hung the moon, and when he moved a little it felt better, and then better
still.
They didn’t stay slow and gentle, not
like before, but it was never rushed.
Ben’s body sparked with pleasure as Ryan moved inside of him and Ryan,
well, he looked like he was just hanging on for as long as he could. He came first, breathless, Ben’s name on his
lips and Ben loved seeing him like that.
He rocked slowly against the fullness inside of him as Ryan came down
from the pleasure, then slid forward until he was off of Ryan’s dick and above
his face. Ryan sucked Ben’s cock into
his mouth without hesitating, letting Ben fuck him until he came a few minutes
later with a groan.
Needless to say, presents were the farthest
things from both their minds for most of Ryan’s trip.
They were going out for New Year’s
Eve. Michael had a party at the hotel that
he insisted both of them attend, and in typical Michael fashion he got his way. New Year’s was inevitably going to be a rough
night for Ryan, since Brody had died on New Year’s Day, and Ben thought the
distraction might help. They got dressed
up and ready to go, but before they could leave Ben stopped him.
“So, I have something for you,” he
said. “It’s not all of your present but
it’s part of it, enough to kind of get the idea.”
“I thought you visiting me was my
present,” Ben said, completely honest.
Ryan shook his head.
“No, that’s my present for me. This is my present for you.” He dashed upstairs to where he’d left his
things and came back down holding something behind his back. “I didn’t wrap them because that would be
strange, considering, and I know this isn’t everything but I didn’t want to
bring a suitcase with me on the plane so I’ll mail the rest of them to you, so…here.” He pulled his hand around and held out—
Letters. Maybe ten of them, all still in their
original envelopes, all written out in Ben’s handwriting. Ben took them gently, listening to Ryan’s
explanation as he touched the yellowed paper.
God, this one had to be one of the first, it was so worn now.
“I thought about it and I realized that
you’re really the person who should have these.
They were meant to be something between you and Brody and while I loved
reading them, I don’t think I was ever supposed to keep them. They meant a lot to me when I was young, and
they meant a lot to Brody and they were a way for us to, to connect, you
know? But they’re not what I need now,
and they never really were mine to need in the first place. I love them, but I…I love you more, so much,
it’s overwhelming almost and it’s not because of these letters, these aren’t
you and for a while I didn’t get that, but I do now. So I want you to take them, because I’d much
rather have the real thing. So. Yeah.”
Ryan bounced a little on the balls of his feet, too nervous to be still,
and Ben drew himself out of looking at the letters—his history, his own
personal artifacts—to pull Ryan close and kiss him.
“Thank you,” Ben whispered against Ryan’s
lips. “It’s perfect.” He smiled.
“I’ll need something to put in the cases once the Franklin papers are
gone, so good timing on this.”
“Glad you think so,” Ryan replied,
relieved. He’d taken Ben’s revelations
about getting rid of his famous hoard with equanimity. “Okay, now we can go.”
“Well, not yet.” Ben put the letters down on the foyer table
and grabbed his key ring. “There’s
something I want to give you too.” It
had been on his mind for the past week, and he’d had the spare made just in
case the moment arose when it felt right.
And now it did. “Here.” He handed Ryan a house key. “It’s for this place,” he explained when Ryan
looked dumbstruck. “I’m not asking you
to move to Denver, I’m not asking you to move in, but I want you to have a key
to my house. You’re always welcome, and
I mean that. I love you.”
“Oh wow.” Ryan looked at Ben and grinned brightly. “Is this the right time to tell you that I’m
sick of doing this long-distance and actually do want to move to Denver? Not to move in with you!” he added
hastily. “In fact, Jasmine told me to
look at apartments while I was here and I meant to tell you but you’ve been
completely distracting this whole time and I just haven’t gotten around to it
yet.”
Now it was Ben’s turn to be
dumbfounded. “You want to move here?” Ryan nodded.
“You and Jasmine want to move
here?”
“We’re business partners. And honestly, do you think I tell Jasmine
what to do? Like, ever? She knew I was thinking about it and decided
she likes the sound of Denver and kind of took the angst out of the decision
for me by agreeing with me. We might get
a place together, but think! Just one
roommate instead of three! And you’d
still have your house and your privacy but we’d be close anyway, and you and I
could be together but not rush it too much, and honestly,” Ryan drew in a deep breath,
“I can’t think of a downside.” He looked
at Ben expectantly, waiting to hear the reasons against it.
Ben didn’t have any. All he could focus on was the idea of Ryan
living in the same city as him, not just a voice on the phone or a face on a
screen interspersed with brief periods of togetherness. He was ready for this, he realized. Ready for something normal, ready for an
actual relationship and not a connection he’d never quite known how to react
to. He’d already cleared away so much of
the detritus of his past, the heavy weight of centuries of familial
expectation. Ben was ready for something
new to help fill in the gaps.
Plus, Ryan was right. Arguing with Jasmine was a lost cause.
“I can’t think of a downside either,”
he said, and Ryan brightened cautiously.
“Yeah?”
“Yes,” Ben agreed. “Absolutely yes.”
Ryan launched forward into his
arms. “Omigod, this is so awesome,” he
said against Ben’s shoulder, and Ben had to agree.
It was a pretty perfect way to kick off
the New Year.
I love it! And I am eager for the epiloge because there are so many things I want to know. How the next MayDays are for example. Or what they are doing in ten years. Or, or, or... Lots of stuff still to tell. But this is a perfect end. Thanks a lot!
ReplyDeleteOh god, I don't even know how the next MayDays will go...but we'll get some insight into the future for sure. Thanks for reading!
DeleteWhat a journey this story has been! I have enjoyed every bit of it and I am sad to see it end BUT I love that the boys now get their happily ever after. I'm looking forward to the epilogue and Ryan POV parts.
ReplyDeleteGood job on your first real contemporary story! Even at times when it looked like the story might derail you powered through and delivered something fabulous. I have seriously enjoyed this. Now, more SciFi, Paranormal, or Fantasy stories will be most welcome! :-)
Thank you darlin! I wouldn't have made it without you, this was so frustrating sometimes. Contemporary, I am DONE with you for now. On to sci fi!
DeleteThis is a wonderful ending! Great job, as always! I adore Ryan, but I think my crush on Jonah is still bigger :) if only I could find a real man like him! Lol
ReplyDeleteYeah, me too:) Not that my man isn't lovely, but Jonah... *sigh* :)
DeleteExcellent chapter, great resolution. Look forward to Ryan's POV and the epilog. I love epilogs; like finding about what happened after HEA.
ReplyDeleteI love epilogues too--I'm not one of those people that thinks you should be able to shoehorn the whole thing into the main body of the story. More soon, promise.
Delete