Tuesday, August 30, 2022

Cloverleaf Station: Chapter Twenty-Three, Part Two

 Notes: We're winding up to a goodbye, followed by a hello, followed by a--well, just read and see ;)

Title: Cloverleaf Station: Chapter Twenty-Three, Part Two

***

Chapter Twenty-Three, Part Two

 


Even if Kieron wasn’t entirely sure he trusted Elanus to keep his word, even if he might change his mind and decide he didn’t want things to go anywhere between them, their talk changed the last few months before Cloverleaf Station was back in relative safety from something painful to something truly enjoyable. Every care, every worry was quiet now, tucked into the back of his mind like the memory of an old wound—it twinged from time to time, but was easy to ignore.

Elanus made it easy to ignore everything but him and Catie. His liveliness increased, his chats with Catie took her learning to new heights, and he spent a tremendous amount of time with Kieron. Everything from sex to simple conversation to the occasional talk about their pasts, and the things they wish had gone differently, or that they’d done better. Those talks happened in Kieron’s room, where Catie didn’t listen in. Everything else—even the sex, after a make-out session in the control room got out of hand—happened all over the place. Cloverleaf Station might be shamrock green on the outside, but the inside had been cold and sterile before this, and now it felt…well, like a home. Like a place for family.

“What’s your home like on Gania?” he asked one day while Elanus and Catie were debating over a new skin for the Lizzie. The ship wasn’t sentient yet, and couldn’t pick for herself, and Kieron, as Elanus put it, was “no fun when it comes to aesthetics, I could paint her black or orange or leave her matte gray and you’d just say it was fine when it’s not, it’s going to clash with her interior, like this shade of pink, Catie!”

“It doeeeesnnn’t! It’s beauuuuutiful!”

“My home?” Elanus asked, returning Kieron’s attention to the moment. “It’s lovely. Growing up I lived on the ground level in Chelen, but as soon as I registered my first patent and began my company, I bought a suite in the highest skyscraper in the city. Upper mid-level, but every year after that I bought another, and now my home rises all the way up to the top of the building. I’ve even got a space there for Catie, if she gets tired of living at the lab.”

“I waaant to live with youuuu,” Catie said firmly. “You and Keeeeron.”

“How does that work?” Kieron asked, moving the conversation onto firmer ground. He wasn’t afraid of the topic of living spaces now, not exactly, but he didn’t want to get his hopes up too high either. “Vertical housing.”

“It works very well, for the most part. Each level consists of one or two rooms, and there are several lifts to take you up and down as needed. There are stairs that transition to a ramp as well, in case the power goes out for some reason.” Elanus’s face relaxed as he spoke, clearly thinking about the home he’d left behind without a second thought months ago. “I’ve got an amazing view of the city. Chelen is the second-largest city on Gania, but it houses two-thirds of the universities. There’s always something to do there—opera is a favorite attraction, but there’s everything from zoomball fields to fight clubs for people who just have to get their aggression out in other ways.”

“Tell me something else about your home.” Kieron was trying to build a picture in his mind, and finding it hard.

“Here, let me show you. Catie! Can I have a projection with slide, external to internal?”

“Yes, Daddeee.” An image appeared in the air, a picture of a massive building, larger than any skyscraper Kieron had ever heard of before. It had to span ten kilometers or more at the base, and hardly got any more slender as it got higher.

Elanus laughed. “I see that look on your face. Remember, Gania has less gravity than Earth, or most of the planets that humans find tolerable to live on. Something that would collapse elsewhere can stand there without issue. This building is Sunface South. There are two other buildings like this in the city.”

“How can anyone stand being in that much shade all the time?” Kieron asked.

“You haven’t spent much time in cities, have you? It’s very well-lit,” Elanus assured him. “And there are reflective systems in place that help with lighting, I actually designed one of—wait, I’m getting distracted. Closer please, Catie.” She drew their attention to a glowing line near the top of the building. “These are mine,” Elanus said with pride as they got deeper into the image. “I see the suns rise at least once every day, twice some days depending on the season. There’s nothing quite like it.” He kept talking, drawing Kieron’s attention to the color of the walls, the art, the furnishings “—and it’s all changeable, of course, except for that chair which was literally molded to fit my form, that’s got to stay.”

It was fun to look at, but it was more fun to listen to Elanus and Catie. The truth was, Kieron knew how little he really knew about homes. He knew that he’d never lived in one before, not really—this place was the closest he’d come. Trakta had been too uncomfortable, filled with rules he wasn’t allowed to follow and people who knew they shouldn’t get too close to him because he was “other.” Cloverleaf Station was much the same—fine enough when Zak had been alive, a purgatory when he wasn’t, and only now just starting to become something he could see himself missing once he was gone.

“So that’s basically it.” Elanus finally finished describing his ridiculously elaborate home. The hologram disappeared. “Do you think you’ll like it?”

“I can’t wait to see it in person,” Kieron said.

“Good.” Elanus wrapped an arm around his shoulders and pulled him in for a tight hug. “Good. You will. I’ll make it—it will fit you, I swear it will. You might not see it yet, but I do.”

Kieron turned his face against the base of Elanus’s neck and nuzzled the warm skin there. “I know it will.” He tilted his face up and got an affectionate kiss in return.

“Aawwwwwww!!!” Pink and red hearts began to blink in and out of existence all around them. “Daddeeee! Keeeeron! You’re so cuuuute!”

“Aaand it’s time to take this somewhere else,” Elanus said with a chuckle. “Catie, will you help your sister get her logarithms tidied up?”

“Yess, Daddee.”

“Thank you. And you—” He made to pull Kieron up from the chair he was sitting in, but Kieron beat him to it.

“Let’s go,” he said, and led the way out of the hangar and toward his room.

It was easy now to sink back on the bed, easy to undress and let the weight of his partner on top of him ground him, easy to kiss him until his lips ached, easy to prepare himself and relish the slide of Elanus’s enormous cock in and out of him. There was nothing to be ashamed of; not the wanting, not the having, not the aftermath. Grunts and sighs, swear words and blessings, begging and pleading—some of it made him blush, but he never turned his face away. He just loved it. Reveled in it. Used his body to make himself happy, rather than forcing it to move despite itself.

The happiness wasn’t fleeting either, not the simple physical release he knew from other people. In fact, what came after—lying together, wrapped around each other with no urge to leave or different place to be, was blissful. It wiped the anxiety from Kieron’s mind faster than anything else he’d ever experienced.

“The station’s back in the safe zone next week,” Elanus said softly.

“Mmm.”

“I found a person to manage things here. They’re not as good as you, but they have a lot of deep space experience.”

“Hmm.”

“I’ll get them settled, so you can leave for Trakta first thing.”

That was enough to prompt an actual reply. “I could do it.”

“Let me. You’ve got a long way to go, so it’s better you get started as early as possible. I’ll still probably beat you to Gania by weeks.”

“Where you’ll be waiting for me,” Kieron murmured, his lips touching Elanus’s collarbone. He shivered, and Elanus’s arms tightened around him.

“Where we’ll both be waiting for you.”

Tuesday, August 23, 2022

Cloverleaf Station: Chapter Twenty-Three, Part One

 Notes: Oh my gosh, are we getting close to the end? Are we heading toward emotional fulfillment and personal growth? Could that be what's going on here? *goggles*

Title: Cloverleaf Station: Chapter Twenty-Three, Part One

***

Chapter Twenty-Three, Part One

 


They made it all the way to Kieron’s bedroom and shut the door before Elanus began speaking. “You can stop looking like that. Seriously, I’m not about to hit you.”

“I’d like to see you try,” Kieron snapped. “Stop treating me like a child and tell me what this is all about.”

Elanus sat down on the edge of the bed and crossed his legs at the ankles, leaning his long body back on his hands as he stared at Kieron, decidedly unimpressed. “Oh, trust me, this is me treating you like an adult. If I were treating you like a child you’d definitely know it. There would be kinder, more oblique language involved and I wouldn’t tell you things like ‘you fucking idiot, what the hell did you think I was going to do, trap you here without a ship?’”

“As though you’d given any thought to anything beyond Catalina when you got here,” Kieron replied. “You can’t tell me you wouldn’t have blow up my ship on your own in order to save her.”

“No, that’s true. But that’s not what happened, is it?” Elanus persisted in being level-toned even as his eyes spoke volumes, mostly insinuating how unimpressed he was with Kieron’s grasp of logic. “Your ship did get smashed to bits, true, but that was your idea and you offered it up because you love Catie. All excellent, fantastic, the best. But I have another ship, you know. Why wouldn’t I make the Lizzie available to you so that you could do the one thing you’ve devoted the last three years of your life to, especially after the sacrifices you made for me and Catie?”

“Because she’s special to you,” Kieron gritted out between clenched teeth. “Nothing is more special to you than your ships. The Lizzie might not be as advanced as Catie, not yet, but I know you’re working on upgrading her. You’re incredibly possessive of your intellectual property. Why would you ever let me take her away from you, to a place so far from your home and from this place, when you could just as easily tell me to catch a ride on the next mining ship that comes through?”

Elanus blinked. It was as close as he came to evincing astonishment. “You…okay, either you think I’m a really incredible caliber of asshole, or you seriously don’t understand what’s going on here between us.”

“I understand it fine. We’ve learned to get along, that’s great, and Catie likes me, but—”

“No.” Elanus leaned forward and stared at him for a moment, then shook his head. “No, Kieron—Catie loves you.”

“I know she does,” he murmured.

“But do you understand what that means? Practically speaking, that is?” He forged ahead before Kieron could say anything. “I’m sure the answer to that is no, given that you’ve experienced love from probably fewer than five people in your entire life. But love isn’t just a feeling, Kieron. It encompasses a whole range of actions as well. People don’t let the people they love hitchhike across the galaxy holding onto the remains of their bestie when they could give them a ship that could get them there in just a few weeks.”

Kieron felt his cheeks heat. “The Lizzie is too advanced to be trusted in anyone else’s hands. You’ve said as much yourself.”

“Yeah,” Elanus said bluntly. “Anyone who isn’t you, me, or Catie. We’re read-in on how special she is, and how amazing she has the potential to become. Catie already thinks of her as her sister. I wouldn’t let anyone pilot her who wasn’t completely aware of her amazingness, and you are, Kieron. You are.”

“How?” The question slipped through his lips before Kieron could stop it. “How can you be so sure of me? How do you know I won’t betray you, won’t run off with her and sell her secrets to the highest bidder?”

Elanus laughed. “I’m sorry, have you met yourself? I can’t think of anyone less likely to betray a trust than you. It’s like love—you’ve experienced so little trust that every instance of it is golden, engraved in your mind forever and ever. You value it beyond almost everything else, which is how I know you wouldn’t betray it. I trust you, Kieron.” He leaned forward a bit more and reached out for Kieron’s hands, taking one of them in both of his own. “You just need to learn to trust yourself a little.”

“I don’t—I don’t understand,” Kieron admitted, feeling a little helpless.

“I know you don’t,” Elanus replied before pressing a kiss to the back of his knuckles. “And I think that no matter what I say or do, the best way for you to understand is simply to live with my love and trust for a while. No expectations, no specific agreements, no looking over your shoulder. Just do what you have to do, and know that every second we’re apart I’m still loving you, and trusting you, and so it Catie.”

You love me?” Kieron was stunned. He felt caught between the cresting wave of happiness and the deep undertow of denial. “How?”

Elanus scoffed. “That’s a mystery for the ages, isn’t it? It’s the last thing I thought would happen when I first got here. I admit, I didn’t make it easy on you. I expected you to be a stiff-necked asshole and I tried to roll over you time and again, and it just didn’t happen. You stood up for yourself, but you still helped me. You—Kieron.” Elanus pulled him forward a step and rested his hands on Kieron’s hips. “You brought back my child. You helped save my own life, when my rib collapsed—remember? You’ve proven yourself far more deserving than anyone else I’ve ever loved, and I’m ridiculously attracted to you as well—like, ridiculously. I know it’s hard to believe, but can you at least accept that whatever I’m feeling is real?”

“I…I want to,” Kieron said. Then, spurred by a desire to meet Elanus’s transparency with his own, he continued, “I wish I could, but you said it yourself. I’ve never…I don’t have experience with love, or trust. Not a lot of it. Definitely not the kind of love that goes beyond friendship.”

“That’s fine,” Elanus said calmly. “Do you think you ever could feel that sort of love for me? It’s fine if you can’t, I just want to know.”

“I want to,” Kieron repeated. “I might already, I think I do, I just don’t know that I do, not the way you love me. I know I love Catie, and I do love you, I just worry that it’s not the same love you’re talking about.”

“That’s all right. We can work with that,” Elanus said, kind and patient again. How could he be so patient with Kieron? He was one of the least patient people Kieron had ever met! “You say you need time? You can have time. When the station is in the safe zone again and we can travel, you take the Lizzie to Trakta and give Zak back to his family. Stay there, go somewhere else, set sail for the farthest star—it’s fine. Do whatever you need to do, but promise me you’ll think about it. Okay? Think about the fact that Catie loves you like a father, and I love you like the all-consuming force you’ve proven to be.

“Then when you’ve made up your mind, come back to us. Come to Gania, let us welcome you, let us show you what we could all be somewhere that isn’t Cloverleaf Station.” He smiled a little crookedly. “Who would have thought that an outdated science station in the Fringe would be the spot I’d find the love of my life?”

Kieron surged forward into Elanus’s lap, framing his face with his hands and kissing him desperately. He had to do it—it was the only way he knew to express everything he was feeling in that moment. He was full to the brim with love and fear and hope, and the thought of something better for his future, something he could never have imagined before Elanus came into his life, teased the edges of his brain.

Elanus matched his fervor, and they almost toppled over onto the bed and moved on to other activities before Elanus pulled back and added, “And you better believe that Catie’s going to be chatting the hell out of you two while you’re on your way to Trakta, because distance is no object for her and she’s not going to let you fly off in her sister without a backward glance.”

Kieron thought about it for a second, then smiled. “That’s fair.”

“Damn straight it is.”

Tuesday, August 16, 2022

Cloverleaf Station: Chapter Twenty-Two, Part Two

 Notes: Hoo boy, time to gear up and get into high avoidance mode! Or...maybe that won't be an option. Hmm. Curse these people and their insistence on talking through their problems!!!

Title: Cloverleaf Station: Chapter Twenty-Two, Part Two

***

Chapter Twenty-Two, Part Two

 


“What’s wroooong?”

Kieron looked up from where he was staring at his tab, doing…well, there were things he ought to be doing, but he wasn’t actually doing any of them. He was just staring, his body on autopilot as his mind ran through dozens of scenarios for the future, each one less appealing than the last. “Nothing’s wrong,” he said after a moment.

“Not truuuuue.” Catie sounded petulant. “You shouldn’t lie. Daaaaddy says so.”

“Your daddy should learn to take his own advice.”

“Keeeeeeron!”

“I’m really fine,” he assured her. “I’m just thinking, that’s all.”

“About whaaat?”

Should he answer her? What should he even say? What could he say? He didn’t want to upset her, or get into a conversation that he didn’t have answers for, but…then again, Elanus was still sleeping after a late night yesterday, so this was probably the best chance Kieron would get for a while to speak solely with Catie. “I’m thinking about the future,” he said at last. “About what’s going to happen next.”

“What’s going tooooo haaappen?”

“Well…” He should go with what he knew for sure. “I’m going to take Zakari’s remains back to Trakta.”

“Hooooow?”

That was a good question. The Daring Do, his stalwart ship of many years, was no more. She’d been crushed in the asteroid field a week ago, after sailing around aimlessly for three weeks prior. Had it already been that long since Deysan’s attempted escape? Time is flying, and this dream is flying with it. “I suppose I’ll need to borrow a ship. I’ll probably ask Elanus if I can use the Lizzie.” Otherwise he’d be paying for a fare from a miner from here to Trakta, which would probably consume most of his savings, given how out-of-the-way they were.

“Lizziiiiiie!!! She will love to help you!”

Kieron smiled. “Oh she will, huh? How will she love it, exactly? She doesn’t have a mind like you do.”

“She’s getting smaaaarter all the tiiime! Lizzie is going to be soooo smart. Just like meee.”

“Ah.” Kieron should have guessed that the Lizzie would be the next ship Elanus would try his technology out in. There was no way the man would let him take one of his babies all the way to Trakta. They were too special for that. “Well, I’ll come up with something.”

“Yes…Lizziiiie.”

“No, not Lizzie. Your daddy won’t want to let her out of his sight.”

“Dadddeee will, for you,” Catie assured him. “Dadddeeee looooves you.”

Kieron’s voice froze in his throat.

“I love you toooooo,” Catie went on, her hull turning a hundred different shades of pink. Tiny projections of hearts fluttered in and out of existence around her, some of them spinning, others sparkling, yet others wearing tutus and snapping with sharp teeth at each other. Dinosaur ballerina hearts, of course. “It’s okaaaay if youuu take Lizzie, because you’ll briiiing her baaack. And we caaaan talk through herrr! I can sing you my sooongs. Do you want to hear my new sooong?”

“I would love to hear your new song,” Kieron managed, and the hangar began to fill with a sound that was somewhere between syntharmonics and an ancient children’s choir. It swung from chord to chord in an almost random progression—almost. There was enough of a link between the chords in there to make it beautiful to listen to, rather than a random mishmash of sound. It was lovely, and youthful, and fun and sweet. It was beautiful, just like Catie.

She was going to be upset when she realized Elanus didn’t feel the way she thought he did. She’d become attached to Kieron, despite him knowing it would be better for him to push her away and leave her affections solely focused on her father.

But how could he, after he saved her life? How could he let her think he felt anything but affection for her, when she’d been treated so terribly? Kieron knew what it was to have someone you loved so much, with all the innocent earnestness of a child, not love you back. He knew what it was to be considered a disappointment, to have someone wish that he’d been born someone else. He couldn’t let her think that. It would have been too cruel not to return her infatuation with a soft touch and kind words.

He hadn’t meant to love her, but he did. He loved everything about her, but especially the pieces he could see she’d inherited from her father. Because…

Because…

Because he loved him too.

Kieron shut his eyes and resisted the urge to bite hard into his lower lip. He’d been doing such a good job of not thinking it! Not while they were working together, not while they were eating together, not while they were having sex, not while they were sleeping side by side and Elanus was snoring and Kieron could just poke him in the side and he’d automatically roll over for him. Shit. Shit. It was one thing to have to deal with the feelings, it was another layer of awful to have to deal with the words too.

He loved Elanus. He loved Catie like a parent loved a child, but he loved Elanus. That lanky, too-tall, too-smart, too-pretty son of a bitch.

Maybe you don’t. You’ve never been in love before, after all. Not even with Zakari, and you know he would have married you and brought you into his family if he thought you wanted that. He loved you so much. Xilinn loves you. Those were the only adults Kieron could think of who had ever loved him, so it wasn’t much of a sample size to draw from, but the way he felt for them—and it was love, it was—wasn’t the way he felt for Elanus. Elanus inspired different, bigger, grander feelings. He inspired something that could be almost as dark as it was light, yet at the same time made him want to set all darkness aside. Bigger than hate. Bigger than lust.

Damn it to the far side of the universe, why did I let it happen?

“Are you thinking of me?”

Kieron’s eyes snapped open. He stared up from his seat at Elanus, horrified that perhaps everything he’d been thinking about was written on his face. “What? Why would you think that?”

“Because you were frowning,” Elanus said lightly, not letting it get to him. When did anything ever get to him, when it wasn’t connected to Catie? “I simply assumed that frown was for me. Nine times out of ten they are, right?”

“No.”

“But this one was.”

“No, it…” Kieron didn’t want to lie—it seemed like too much effort for not enough reward, since Elanus would see through it anyway. Evasion it is, then. “I’m going to go check the experiments from the control room, excuse me.”

“Catie’s song isn’t over yet, though.”

Oh, that was true. “I’ll…ask her to play it again for me later.”

“No, later won’t work.”

Kieron paused in the middle of standing up. “Why not?”

“Because we’re going to be talking later, so you might as well listen to her song now.”

Kieron looked warily at Elanus. “What…exactly…are we going to be talking about?”

“Oh, lots of really uncomfortable things that make both of us want to run away or start a fight or lock ourselves in places where we can be alone for a while,” Elanus said. The words were light, even mocking, but his expression was serious. “And we’re going to do it because we’re goddamn adults who can avoid the stupidities of their pasts by being honest with each other. No big misunderstandings right now, not between you and me. Do you hear me?”

This was the last thing Kieron wanted. Couldn’t they just…enjoy each other’s company for the next few months before quietly parting ways once the radiation dimmed?

Apparently they couldn’t. A frisson of fear went down his spine…followed closely by anticipation. “All right,” he said at last.

“Good.” They both sat and listened to Catie’s song all the way through to the end. It was beautiful.

What was about to happen probably wouldn’t be.