Notes:
But-but-but…nothing is resolved yet!
Woman, the hell is your
problem?
I know. One more chapter with resolution and probably
some more sex (I have a special request that I’m considering) and then an
epilogue, and then a Ryan’s POV and then done!
You keep thinking we’re already there, and I keep pulling the rug out
from under you. Wicked, is how my man
describes me. And he is totally
correct. Sometimes.
Title:
Love Letters
Part Thirty-Eight:
Great Expectations
***
Ryan had offered to get a hotel, early
on in the planning. He said it was
because he didn’t want to intrude on Ben’s home, and Ben had immediately
replied that Ryan wouldn’t be an intrusion.
After a pause, Ryan had asked, “Are you sure?” like he didn’t quite
believe Ben. And yeah, there was
something to the idea that Ben would want to keep his home to himself. It wasn’t exactly sacrosanct or anything,
Michael had been over several times and Heather pretty much owned the couch
these days, but the rest of it was...really kind of private.
At least the mausoleum-like air was
dissipating now; Ben was in the process of very carefully packing up the
Franklin Letters, to be hand-delivered to Calanthe when she visited the first
week of the new year. She would then
carry them herself, by hand, back to Boston.
It was a kind of ridiculous length to go to in Ben’s opinion, but
Calanthe was the one splurging on the plane tickets, so it was her call. She wasn’t even going to stay a full day: fly
in in the morning, probably stay just long enough to redo all of Ben’s efforts
at packing, and then flying out in the evening.
All of the letters and journals could be fit into two small carry-ons,
and she probably planned on keeping them within sight at all times. And once she left…that would be that.
So no, Ben didn’t want Ryan staying in
a hotel. Apart from the expense and the
enforced time apart it would necessitate, Ben felt like if there was anyone he
could start breaking down a few more walls with, anyone who he might feel
comfortable letting in to some of the deeper parts of his life, it was
Ryan. When he felt nothing but pleasure
at pulling Ryan through the front door and locking it behind them, when he felt
a tinge of anticipation but not apprehension when Ryan took a few steps down
the hall, looking around curiously, Ben felt justified in bringing Ryan home
with him.
Ryan stopped at the end of the foyer
and stared at a blank spot on the wall in front of him. “What used to hang here?” he asked.
“An original Buttersworth painting,”
Ben replied, putting Ryan’s backpack down at the foot of the stairs.
“Isn’t he the one who did all the
ships?”
“Yep.”
“Why did you take it down?” Ryan asked
as he turned to face Ben.
“I needed to change my perspective,” Ben
said with a shrug. He didn’t add
anything else, and after a moment Ryan jut nodded.
“I know the feeling. So.”
He looked around with interest. “Can
I get the tour?”
“Let me show you your room first.” Ben hoisted up the backpack again and led the
way up the narrow staircase.
“For some reason I thought you didn’t
have spare bedrooms,” Ryan said, and maybe Ben was imagining it, but he sounded
a tiny bit disappointed that he was going to have his own space to sleep. “You always say that Heather sleeps on the
couch.”
“I offered a room to her once, but
Heather prefers the couch. She says its
way more comfortable than any bed.” Ben
opened the door to the spare room and winced at how cold it was in there. “Shit, hang on.” He headed over to the radiator and turned it
up, wishing he’d thought of that before he left for the airport. A freezing bedroom didn’t exactly scream “Welcome!” “Sorry, I meant to turn it up before I came
to get you.”
“It’s fine,” Ryan assured him. “I can always sleep on the couch if I get
desperate.”
The last thing Ben wanted was Ryan
sleeping all the way downstairs. “There’s
always my room, too,” he offered without thinking. Ryan smiled, then got serious.
“Actually, that…okay, I have to
ask. What’s okay on this trip?” Ben must have looked a little puzzled because
Ryan continued without waiting for an answer, his words tripping over each
other. “I mean, between the two of us,
like physically, because I know that we’ve been taking a break and I totally
understand if you don’t want to have sex, except I would really, really love to
have sex with you, or even just kiss you, but I won’t if that’s not okay, you
just need to tell me now so I won’t be tempted, though. Okay?
Because right now I am really, really tempted.”
He wasn’t the only one. Ben looked at Ryan, squeezing his hat between
his hands like he had to keep his fingers wrapped up or they’d be holding onto
Ben, pressing his lips together because if he didn’t they would open and
affection would come pouring out of them.
Ben felt the chill of the room, the fact that he’d “forgotten” to turn
the radiator on yet had remembered to change his own sheets this morning, and
felt like a thirteen-year-old girl. “Fuck
it.” He twisted the radiator knob until
it was off again, then crossed the room, cupped Ryan’s face with his hands and
kissed him. Not hard, but with perfect
assurance. Ryan’s nose was cold but his
mouth was warm and he opened up immediately, soft and sweet, a sound like
relief thrumming in his throat as he slid his arms around Ben’s waist and
pulled him closer.
God, it was perfect. For the first time ever in the course of
their bumpy relationship, Ben felt completely at ease. There were no thin hotel walls to worry
about, no roommates to interrupt them, no family members to worry about walking
in. It was just Ben and Ryan, and Ben
was utterly on board with that. So was
Ryan, if the way he hitched his hips closer and moaned into the kiss was any
indication.
“Okay, guidelines,” Ben said with a
little gasp as he finally pulled away.
Ryan wriggled with impatience, eyes dark and mouth opening and closing
for a moment before it settled on closed.
“You’re not sleeping in here unless you really want to, I want you with
me. I know we have things to work out
but I am done with being on break, I wouldn’t have asked you to come here if I
still wanted a break. I just want you,
and anything you want to do, that’s fine with me.”
“I really want to go to your bedroom,”
Ryan breathed. “Now.”
“Come on.” Ben took Ryan’s hand and led him down the
hall to his own room. It was warm and
comfortable, not as bright as Ryan’s but lived-in without feeling
cluttered. Ryan looked around once in
approval before pulling Ben close and kissing him again.
It was hotter this time, a little more
desperate, tongues sliding across each other as they struggled to get
closer. “Why—did—you—send—me—this damn—wait,”
Ryan said between kisses, finally pulling back and getting his fingers around
the zipper of his heavy coat. “Fucking
layers, and snaps and buttons,” he muttered as he struggled to get out of it.
“Yes, all that fastening technology in
one place is sooo inconvenient,” Ben teased him as he slid his own jacket to
the ground, followed by his sweater and shoes.
“I hate technology,” Ryan agreed,
finally getting the coat undone and throwing it to the side. He got out of the rest of his clothes a lot
faster, and in a few moments it was just the two of them, naked except for one
of Ben’s socks, falling down onto his bed in a tangle because Ryan refused to
let go of him and Ben wasn’t about to make him.
Ben rolled them over so that Ryan was
on his back. He took in everything he
had missed seeing, the piercings and the gorgeous tattoos that hadn’t been
allowed out in public back in Concord. He
picked up Ryan’s hand and kissed the emerald-eyed head of the snake that wound
down his arm, and Ryan shivered.
“I,” Ben said slowly, stroking his hand
up across Ryan’s shoulder and down his chest, feather-light, “am going to touch
every single color on your body. I’m
going to map them out, I’m going to memorize them until I could find every
point of blue in the dark, and every bit of red. I’m going to make you scream and you can be
as loud as you want, because there’s no one else to hear.” He brushed his hand lower, skating over Ryan’s
stomach and smearing the few drops of precome that had dripped down from the
head of his cock. “I’m going to take you
apart with my fingers and open you up with my tongue,” he moved his hand down
again, slipping over the point of Ryan’s hip and further, between his thighs
until he pressed lightly against Ryan’s hole.
“And then I’m going to fuck you, and there won’t be anyone to tell us no
or anything to make us stop.”
“I’ll never last long enough,” Ryan
said, his voice breathy with hard-won control.
“I’ve been on an airplane all afternoon, I stink, I’m starving and I
haven’t been with anyone since you left and there’s no way, there no, no way I’ll
last right now. I’m about to come and
you haven’t even done anything yet, fuck, this always happens with you.”
“I said I’d do anything you want,” Ben
told Ryan, and yeah, he maybe was a little more desperate than he was letting
on.
“Then just—just touch me, just get on
top of me and squish me, I don’t care how heavy you are, I just want to feel
you.” Ben let Ryan pull him up and
settle him on top of his body, and when Ryan spread his legs and wrapped them
around Ben’s waist, the wait suddenly got a lot harder.
“Have you—with anyone, since me?” Ryan
asked, kissing the side of Ben’s throat as he thrust up beneath him. It shouldn’t have felt so fucking good; they
hadn’t even taken the time to grab some lube, and their cocks were hot and
sweaty and caught as they rubbed against each other, beside each other. Somehow, though, it felt amazing.
Ben thought of that one night he spent
making out with Michael, and Michael’s easygoing insistence that it wasn’t
going to go anywhere because Ben was still hung up on Ryan. “No,” he murmured, turning into Ryan’s next
kiss. “There’s no one else.”
“Thank god.” Ryan’s arms were tight around Ben’s
shoulders, strong and demanding as they pulled him down into Ryan’s
thrusts. Ben moved with him, against
him, hard and eager and blatantly unskilled, both of them just wanting to get
off with the other. Ben had just enough
presence of mind to get a hand between them and wrap it around their cocks
before Ryan came, tearing his lips away from their kiss with a yell as he
pulsed. Ben used his slick hand to
stroke himself, to stroke both of them even though Ryan was sensitive, even
though he shivered with aftershocks, until he finally buried his face against
Ryan’s shoulder and groaned as his orgasm ripped through him.
“Fuck,” Ryan said after a minute.
“Yeah.”
“Your bed is awesome. Your house is awesome. You are completely awesome.”
“You say that now,” Ben dragged his
head up and grinned, “but you haven’t even seen the shower yet.”
Ryan’s
eyes widened along with his smile. “It
gets better?”
“It
absolutely gets better.”
“I can’t wait.”
They lay there a while longer, basking
in the afterglow and each other’s company before Ben finally heaved himself off
of Ryan. “The en suite’s through there.” He pointed at the door to the left. “You get the shower going and I’ll go grab
your stuff.”
“Sounds like a plan,” Ryan said, his
eyes half-lidded, unintentionally sultry.
“I like it,” Ben agreed, heading out
into the hall. He was naked and sticky
and more than a little gross, but he was also happier now than he could
remember being for months. Maybe the
happiest he’d been since he first met Ryan.
The newness, the instability, all the things they hadn’t known about
each other—none of it was pressing on him now.
There was still uncertainty, there was a lot to talk through and figure
out, but Ben felt ready for it. He felt…excited. He felt like he finally knew what he
wanted. Now all he had to do was figure
out how to talk Ryan around.
“I was wrong!” Ryan called out. “Nothing is as awesome as this shower, not
even you!”
“Blasphemy,” Ben called back, carrying
Ryan’s backpack into his bedroom and shutting the door to keep the room toasty.
“Come and prove me wrong, then,” Ryan
challenged.
And Ben did.
I like the pace the story is going. Although their physical and emotional relationship is back on track, there are still things they need to work out, like their future as a couple. Looking forward to more but sad that we are now closer to the end.
ReplyDeleteThank you! The pace is stubbornly slow despite what I throw at it, so I'm glad you're good with the way it's going. Which is slooowly:)
DeleteYou are evil. In a good way. You promise a HEA every week but it is farther away each week. This just means we get more LL and I love them. Thanks a lot!
ReplyDeleteMy evil percentage grows every week. Eeeevil...glad you're sticking with it though:)
DeleteI agree with JaNo. Drag it out aaaaaaaaalllll you want, I'm in no hurry for the end :-)
ReplyDeleteI'll just drag you with me, darlin!
DeleteWAH?!
ReplyDeletetease.
YAH!
DeleteBut it'll get better!
You know i fall in love with every story you write, and its characters, so you drag it out as long as you want! Woohoo!!!
ReplyDeleteHope you enjoyed the finale, darlin:)
DeleteI think it should take as long as it takes. I look forward to their conversation, now that they got that first orgasm out of the way. :0)
ReplyDeleteAnd now the second, and the third...
Delete:)