Rivalries: Chapter Twenty-One, Part One

 Notes: More Rivalries, yaaaay! We're counting down to the duel, to Ari's visit, to SOMETHING with the nefarious Mrs. Patterson...things are happening! Enjoy them!

Title: Rivalries: Chapter Twenty-One, Part One

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Chapter Twenty-One

 

Charlie was being weird. He knew he was being weird, and he hated it, but he wasn’t able to stop himself.

It had been three days since their conversation with Dr. Mullins, and he was still thinking nonstop about what she said. The idea that Ari’s issues could be his fault, that if he’d just limited himself to a regular shield instead of going all-out and encasing the kid in what amounted to a prison that Ari would be okay…

But Ari wouldn’t be okay, the voice in Charlie’s head that sounded a lot like his first drill sergeant said. He wouldn’t be okay because he’d have you hanging around all of the time, completely consumed by him. Think about what that kind of permanent adoration would to do a child. Think of how awful it would be for him, for his mother. How uncomfortable.

Think of how much better off he’d be if you weren’t around, if that had happened.

Charlie wasn’t suicidal. Even at his worst, he hadn’t been outright suicidal—depressed, definitely, and wondering why the hell he was alive when too many other people he loved and respected weren’t. But suicidal? No. And before now, he hadn’t been able to imagine an instance where he would have been suicidal, but if he’d been completely devoted to a child to the extent that his very presence was a limiting factor in that kid’s life…well…

Charlie had been lucky. Ari had been unlucky. One of them was going to be unlucky, either way.

He’d talked about Dr. Mullins’ ideas to Huda, for all the good that had done. She’d barely listened to the explanation before she was practically shouting at him about how ridiculous it was, “as if we haven’t considered the Siren knack a thousand times already! I’ve taken him to see the best knack specialists in the world, Charlie, and you think that some seedy government scientist you dug up out of a lab that you can’t even tell me the name of knows better than them? Outrageous!” She’d only modulated her tone after Ari started to cry, begging her not to yell at Charlie.

“We’re still coming to see you,” she said grimly after she got her child calmed down again. “We’ll be there for a week, in a hotel of course, and we’ll be seeing several new specialists in the area while we’re there. I expect you to make yourself available for medical appointments.”

“I can do that,” Charlie replied, exhausted by just the prospect of spending yet more time with a bunch of doctors. But if he was exhausted, how must Ari feel? “Every day except Wednesday afternoon. I’ve got to be at the demonstration duel the principal set up for me, or she’s going to rain hell down on my head.”

“He doesn’t have anything Wednesday afternoon. We’ll come and watch.”

Charlie winced. “You don’t have to do that, really. It’s probably not going to be much fun.”

“Nothing about this trip is fun, except for my son feeling less awful than he normally does. You think I’m going to give up a chance for him to spend time close to you just because some military man wants to throw his weight around? No.” She’d arched an eyebrow at the end. “But don’t lose, all right?”

It was a lot to think about, a lot of weight. Charlie both wanted to talk to John about it and didn’t, because he didn’t know how to share how absolutely petrified he was for Ari, and how he was actually a little bit worried about this upcoming duel because he might still be able to shield, but he hadn’t relearned a lot of his old specializations yet, and he had so many kids counting on him to do a good job and he didn’t want to let them down, but he was actually pretty tired of the whole damn thing…

Eventually, John was the one to break the silence between them. Of course he was—John had been the brave one this whole time, the one who took the first step no matter how difficult or embarrassing it was. Sunday night, their last night before Ari and his mother came, John finished up a pile of paperwork at the kitchen table with a sigh, then trundled over to the couch in the living room and flopped down next to Charlie.

“So,” he drawled, looking up with his big, ridiculously pretty eyes. “You don’t have to talk about what’s bothering you if you don’t want to. That’s fine, I get it. It’s hard to share sometimes. But I want you to know that I’m here, and I’m willing to listen. I’d be happy to listen—that’s part of having a relationship, is listening to the other person when they need you.”

Oh shit. “Have I…did I miss a…are you okay?” Charlie managed after a second. John nodded.

“I’m all right. I’m worried about you, and I’m upset that Roland can’t seem to avoid fucking Mrs. Patterson. I’m also really curious about how you’re going to handle Ari and I know you hate that you have to, but I also know how much he loves you and how happy seeing you is going to make him. There. Voila.” He smiled, a little lopsidedly. “I’ve shared, and you listened. You don’t have to offer advice unless I ask for it, but just listening and being here for me means a lot.”

“You know I’ll keep my eyes on Roland as much as possible,” Charlie offered. He wished John was on his other side so he could put his arm around him.

“I know.” He sounded so confident. Charlie was glad that one of them was feeling confident. “I think we’re both doing out best, but we might do a little better together, so…” He shrugged. “That’s what I’m offering. We’re boyfriends, right? We’re practically living together. I want to help you however I can.”

“Jesus, when did you get so…adult?” Charlie asked. It wasn’t that he’d ever thought of John as immature—well, maybe in high school—but this was next-level adulting behavior.

John shrugged. “I’ve had a lot of therapy, it’s part of becoming a counselor. It’s part of being a counselor, in some ways. Being honest with the people you’re close to is important. So I want you to know that I’m here for you.”

“Thank you.” Charlie leaned over and kissed John’s forehead. After a second, John tilted his face up so Charlie could kiss other parts of his body too. It was nice…but Charlie wasn’t here to get carried away, not after John had been honest. He could manage that too. At least, a little bit.

“I feel a lot of pressure not to fuck up, and I know I won’t be able to make everyone happy,” he said at last. “I can’t really get more specific than that. It’s just, it would have been enough to handle with Ari being here, but the duel and Principal Cross and this stuff with Roland on top of it, not to mention the end-of-semester tests…it’s a lot. I haven’t felt this on edge since the op where I lost my arm.”

John nodded. “It’s a fuckton of stuff.”

“And it all has to be done, so…” Charlie shrugged. “I’ve just got to do it.”

“Hey, at least you know you won’t lose an arm this time around.”

Charlie smirked. “Yeah? How so?”

“Easy.” John snuggled in closer to his side and wrapped his own arm around Charlie’s waist. It was nice, being the one being held for once. “You’ve got me on your side. I’ll take care of you, no matter what.”

And the thing was, Charlie believed him.