Rivalries Chapter Twenty-One, Part Two

 Notes: New Rivalries, yaaaaay! Ari and his mom are here, which means soon...things will get serious.

Title: Rivalries Chapter Twenty-One, Part Two

***

Chapter Twenty-One, Part Two

 

Ari had gotten a lot taller than their video chats had suggested. He nearly knocked Charlie off his feet when they found each other at the airport the next evening, Ari running and jumping up against Charlie’s chest like he used to when he was just eight.

“Whoa—oof!” It was a lot harder to hold the kid up with just one arm, but Charlie did his best until Ari finally slid back down onto his feet, still holding Charlie around the waist with a death grip.

“I missed you,” Ari said, muffled, into Charlie’s chest.

“I missed you too.”

“I’m so happy to be with you again.”

Charlie sighed and closed his eyes, hugging Ari even tighter. “Me too, kiddo.” He could feel the compulsion pushing Ari to spend time with him, feel it in the steel-like tendons in the boy’s arms, the way his breaths sped up the second there was a bit more space between them. This child, this poor child, felt like he was seconds away from having an anxiety attack, or worse—a heart attack.

Holy shit, life was unkind.

Huda arrived in a rush, pulling two carry-on suitcases with her. She looked as stern as ever, black hair streaked with grey at the temples, her pantsuit perfectly pressed despite the flight. “Sergeant,” she said, sounding friendly enough. There was a smile on her face that made Charlie wonder whether she thought her son’s current state was an improvement, and if so…if so, damn, how bad was he really these days? “It’s good to see you.”

“You too.” Keeping his arm around Ari, he pivoted the boy a little so his legs were free to walk. “My car is this way.” Actually, it was still John’s car—he hadn’t even really started looking for his own ride—but they didn’t need to know that.

Huda held out a hand. “Give me the keys. I’ll drive. You sit in the back with him.”

“Yes ma’am.”

To her credit, she didn’t say a word about the car, just put the suitcases in the trunk and opened the back door for them. Ari had finally relaxed enough to allow space for seatbelts, although he leaned in against Charlie’s chest again as soon as they were buckled, chatting about Pokemon and school and a dozen other things in rapid succession. Charlie paid close attention, and didn’t comment on the fact that Huda knew exactly how to get to his apartment despite having never been there before. He’d be more surprised if she didn’t have his movements tracked down to the foot.

Ari was excited to get to see his apartment, and as soon as they walked inside he asked where “Mr. John” was.

“He’s got some work to finish up, so he’ll be home late,” Charlie explained, and he knew he wasn’t imagining it when Huda’s shoulders relaxed. “Guess you’ll have to put up with me and your mom for now.”

Ari actually pouted, and Charlie was relieved to see it. If he can still stomach sharing time, then it hasn’t gone too far. Right? “When can I meet him?”

“Soon,” Charlie assured him. “Tomorrow for sure. You’re coming to school with your mom, right? You can hang out with me while she’s in meetings, as long as you can be quiet in my classroom. John will be there too.”

“Great!”

Huda ordered dinner from a Chinese restaurant, and they sat together at the table for another three hours, mostly listening to Ari chatter about everything that came into his mind before exhaustion finally got the best of him. He fell asleep with his head on Charlie’s shoulder. Charlie glanced at Huda, who sighed.

“He hasn’t been sleeping well at home,” she confessed. “He’d probably fall asleep on a bed of nails right now as long as you were there.”

“Oh. Um.” Did he need to invite them to spend the night? “Would you care to—”

“No, no,” she said, already divining what he was going to say. “I’ll call for a car, and we’ll go to the hotel tonight. I can still lift him, thank god, and he’s very malleable when he’s sleepy.” She pulled out her phone and typed out a quick message. Charlie waited until she was done to speak.

“He seems like he’s doing okay,” he said, tentatively.

“Does he?” Huda replied. Her words were mild, but her voice was full of sharp edges. “This is the best he’s been in two months.”

“Ah.”

“Yes, ah. One evening with you has done what dozens of hours of therapy and doctors’ visits couldn’t, but I hope you don’t expect me to be grateful for it.”

“I don’t expect your gratitude for anything,” Charlie snapped, “but a little less shit thrown my way would be nice. Do you get that I’m trying here? That I want to help him?”

“I know you do!” Ari stirred, and Huda lowered her voice. “I know that,” she said, and now she just sounded tired. “And I know we can’t keep having the same argument over and over, but I’m so tired of this, Charles, and so afraid, and I’m so, so angry. You’re the nearest target and it makes it easy for me to lash out. I’ll try to stop, though.” She stood up and gestured for Ari. “Give him to me.”

“I could carry him down—”

She made a pfft noise. “You think I didn’t see you straining at the airport? You can’t hold a child this big with just one arm.” She paused. “Is it…still very difficult for you?”

This was the first time she’d directly brought up his injury in weeks. “It’s not as bad as it was,” he said honestly. “The pain is pretty manageable, and I do my PT. I can shield again, too, so that’s nice, even though it’s different than it was before.” That was an understatement, but still, Charlie was inclined to be happy for the things he could do tonight rather than unhappy over things beyond his control.

“Would you like me to look into getting you a prosthetic of some kind? There are several programs I can think of that might be able to help you.” She sounded self-recriminatory. “I should have thought of it earlier, but I’ve been so obsessed lately—”

“It’s fine. I don’t know that I could still make my knack work with a prosthetic, so…” He shrugged his non-pillow shoulder. “Something to think about later.”

“Later,” she agreed with a sad smile. She took her son into her arms, and Charlie got the bags instead. Five minutes later, they were gone. An hour after that, John came home, and found Charlie in the bedroom, lying on his back and staring up at the ceiling.

“Are you…do you want some space, after that?” John asked hesitantly. “I can go home to the duplex if you—”

“Please come here.”

John came, and Charlie didn’t even know how to talk about what he was feeling, so he didn’t. He just leaned into John and wrapped him up in a hug, and was only able to close his eyes again when John hugged back.

“It’s going to be a rough week,” John said quietly, stroking his hair, “but we’ll get through it.”

“I know.”

He had a feeling, though, that it was going to be rougher than either of them knew. He hoped he was wrong.

Rivalries: Chapter Twenty-One, Part One

 Notes: More Rivalries, yaaaay! We're counting down to the duel, to Ari's visit, to SOMETHING with the nefarious Mrs. Patterson...things are happening! Enjoy them!

Title: Rivalries: Chapter Twenty-One, Part One

***

Chapter Twenty-One

 

Charlie was being weird. He knew he was being weird, and he hated it, but he wasn’t able to stop himself.

It had been three days since their conversation with Dr. Mullins, and he was still thinking nonstop about what she said. The idea that Ari’s issues could be his fault, that if he’d just limited himself to a regular shield instead of going all-out and encasing the kid in what amounted to a prison that Ari would be okay…

But Ari wouldn’t be okay, the voice in Charlie’s head that sounded a lot like his first drill sergeant said. He wouldn’t be okay because he’d have you hanging around all of the time, completely consumed by him. Think about what that kind of permanent adoration would to do a child. Think of how awful it would be for him, for his mother. How uncomfortable.

Think of how much better off he’d be if you weren’t around, if that had happened.

Charlie wasn’t suicidal. Even at his worst, he hadn’t been outright suicidal—depressed, definitely, and wondering why the hell he was alive when too many other people he loved and respected weren’t. But suicidal? No. And before now, he hadn’t been able to imagine an instance where he would have been suicidal, but if he’d been completely devoted to a child to the extent that his very presence was a limiting factor in that kid’s life…well…

Charlie had been lucky. Ari had been unlucky. One of them was going to be unlucky, either way.

He’d talked about Dr. Mullins’ ideas to Huda, for all the good that had done. She’d barely listened to the explanation before she was practically shouting at him about how ridiculous it was, “as if we haven’t considered the Siren knack a thousand times already! I’ve taken him to see the best knack specialists in the world, Charlie, and you think that some seedy government scientist you dug up out of a lab that you can’t even tell me the name of knows better than them? Outrageous!” She’d only modulated her tone after Ari started to cry, begging her not to yell at Charlie.

“We’re still coming to see you,” she said grimly after she got her child calmed down again. “We’ll be there for a week, in a hotel of course, and we’ll be seeing several new specialists in the area while we’re there. I expect you to make yourself available for medical appointments.”

“I can do that,” Charlie replied, exhausted by just the prospect of spending yet more time with a bunch of doctors. But if he was exhausted, how must Ari feel? “Every day except Wednesday afternoon. I’ve got to be at the demonstration duel the principal set up for me, or she’s going to rain hell down on my head.”

“He doesn’t have anything Wednesday afternoon. We’ll come and watch.”

Charlie winced. “You don’t have to do that, really. It’s probably not going to be much fun.”

“Nothing about this trip is fun, except for my son feeling less awful than he normally does. You think I’m going to give up a chance for him to spend time close to you just because some military man wants to throw his weight around? No.” She’d arched an eyebrow at the end. “But don’t lose, all right?”

It was a lot to think about, a lot of weight. Charlie both wanted to talk to John about it and didn’t, because he didn’t know how to share how absolutely petrified he was for Ari, and how he was actually a little bit worried about this upcoming duel because he might still be able to shield, but he hadn’t relearned a lot of his old specializations yet, and he had so many kids counting on him to do a good job and he didn’t want to let them down, but he was actually pretty tired of the whole damn thing…

Eventually, John was the one to break the silence between them. Of course he was—John had been the brave one this whole time, the one who took the first step no matter how difficult or embarrassing it was. Sunday night, their last night before Ari and his mother came, John finished up a pile of paperwork at the kitchen table with a sigh, then trundled over to the couch in the living room and flopped down next to Charlie.

“So,” he drawled, looking up with his big, ridiculously pretty eyes. “You don’t have to talk about what’s bothering you if you don’t want to. That’s fine, I get it. It’s hard to share sometimes. But I want you to know that I’m here, and I’m willing to listen. I’d be happy to listen—that’s part of having a relationship, is listening to the other person when they need you.”

Oh shit. “Have I…did I miss a…are you okay?” Charlie managed after a second. John nodded.

“I’m all right. I’m worried about you, and I’m upset that Roland can’t seem to avoid fucking Mrs. Patterson. I’m also really curious about how you’re going to handle Ari and I know you hate that you have to, but I also know how much he loves you and how happy seeing you is going to make him. There. Voila.” He smiled, a little lopsidedly. “I’ve shared, and you listened. You don’t have to offer advice unless I ask for it, but just listening and being here for me means a lot.”

“You know I’ll keep my eyes on Roland as much as possible,” Charlie offered. He wished John was on his other side so he could put his arm around him.

“I know.” He sounded so confident. Charlie was glad that one of them was feeling confident. “I think we’re both doing out best, but we might do a little better together, so…” He shrugged. “That’s what I’m offering. We’re boyfriends, right? We’re practically living together. I want to help you however I can.”

“Jesus, when did you get so…adult?” Charlie asked. It wasn’t that he’d ever thought of John as immature—well, maybe in high school—but this was next-level adulting behavior.

John shrugged. “I’ve had a lot of therapy, it’s part of becoming a counselor. It’s part of being a counselor, in some ways. Being honest with the people you’re close to is important. So I want you to know that I’m here for you.”

“Thank you.” Charlie leaned over and kissed John’s forehead. After a second, John tilted his face up so Charlie could kiss other parts of his body too. It was nice…but Charlie wasn’t here to get carried away, not after John had been honest. He could manage that too. At least, a little bit.

“I feel a lot of pressure not to fuck up, and I know I won’t be able to make everyone happy,” he said at last. “I can’t really get more specific than that. It’s just, it would have been enough to handle with Ari being here, but the duel and Principal Cross and this stuff with Roland on top of it, not to mention the end-of-semester tests…it’s a lot. I haven’t felt this on edge since the op where I lost my arm.”

John nodded. “It’s a fuckton of stuff.”

“And it all has to be done, so…” Charlie shrugged. “I’ve just got to do it.”

“Hey, at least you know you won’t lose an arm this time around.”

Charlie smirked. “Yeah? How so?”

“Easy.” John snuggled in closer to his side and wrapped his own arm around Charlie’s waist. It was nice, being the one being held for once. “You’ve got me on your side. I’ll take care of you, no matter what.”

And the thing was, Charlie believed him.

Birthday post!

 Hi darlins!

It's my birthday tomorrow, so I'm taking a week off from the blog story and will be doing nothing but having fun with my family when the big day rolls around tomorrow. I'm not quite done with my dirty thirties yet, but the end is nigh, lol.

I've got some birthday presents for you all, though! Tomorrow, on Amazon, my m/m SF novella Evergreen will be free, and both Friendly Fire and Dark Around the Edges will by $.99! This is a one-day, birthday celebration sale, so...yeah, if you haven't read them yet, tomorrow's a good day to pick them up :)

Also, Treasured is coming out at the end of the month, and the prequel, Stolen, can't be read for free if you sign up for my newsletter. *wink wink* The link's below.

I hope your day is as great as I know mine will be!

Cari Z's Newsletter!

Rivalries: Chapter Twenty, Part Two

 Notes: Revelations! Some uncomfortable, some...no, they're all uncomfortable. Sorry, darlins. It'll get better, I promise!

Title: Rivalries: Chapter Twenty, Part Two

***

Chapter Twenty, Part Two

 

“There’s no need to sound so funereal about it,” Katherine chided John. “This has been a really fascinating research delve, I have to say. It took me a while to figure out who you were talking about, of course, but once I did—”

“That wasn’t part of the deal!” John burst out. “You’re not supposed to know anything else about the kid!” Next to him, Charlie shifted uncomfortably, anger in his face but worry in his body language.

“Well, you really didn’t give me very much to go on,” Katherine replied, talking to him like she would scold a puppy that had been naughty. “You out of everyone should understand that if you want to make real progress in the realm of scientific exploration, you need to get all the data you possibly can. That means utilizing a few less than savory connections to benefit the greater good, in this case. And the good could be very good, if you manage things properly!”

“I…you…shit.” John sighed. “I’m putting you on speaker.”

“Oh, are you going to introduce me to the sergeant you’ve been keeping in your back pocket for the past few weeks?” Katherine asked slyly. “Hello, Sergeant Verlaine! How nice to make your acquaintance. I’m Dr. Katherine Mullins, I’m a friend of John’s.”

“That’s not how he’d describe it,” Charlie said shortly.

“Oh, I’m sure he wouldn’t, but that’s just because he doesn’t fully understand the scope of the research that we’re doing here. The number of people we’ve helped with his help, it’s extraordinary. Particularly your people, Sergeant. Members of special operations.”

Charlie scowled. “Do you expect me to thank you?”

“Not at all! Just know where I’m coming from,” Katherine said, and John had to admire how absolutely consistent she could be in the face of disapproval. There was something in Dr. Mullins’ psychology that allowed her a total disconnect from the reality of her research, and the pain that she caused, with the strength of her justifications. If John were a different sort of person, he’d envy her ability, maybe even try to emulate it.

As it was, it just made him feel sick, and a little sad.

“Anyhow, on to my information! A little bit of digging and some very challenging cross-referencing was enough to convince me that the child has a Siren ability.”

“You already said it wasn’t Siren,” John objected. “And Siren’s not a knack that works on its caster, and it’s not supposed to have this kind of permanency either.”

“That was before I knew the nature of the man who rescued the child,” Katherine retorted. “I’m glad I’m on speaker, actually, because I need to clear some things up. Sergeant Verlaine, you’re a Shield. Am I correct in assuming you cast a Shield around the child as you were rescuing him?”

“While we were waiting for rescue, yes,” Charlie said, looking a little mystified.

“And did that Shield also encompass you, or did you have a Double going?”

A double? John had never heard of doubling a Shield before. Charlie, though, was nodding.

“It was a double,” he confirmed. “One around Ari, a larger one around the two of us. If something happened and I lost concentration or was somehow injured, I wanted to have something up that would protect him for a little longer.”

“An enduring Shield, then. Backed with blood, I suppose?”

“Yes…”

Enduring Shield? Blood? Jesus, John didn’t know any of this.

“Ah. What we have here, then, is a case of a young Siren, a child without any previous indicator of ability and no sense of how to modulate himself, discovering his knack in a highly stressful situation. He was fixated on you, Sergeant Verlaine, likely because you were the only person he could clearly see through the Shield you’d cast. He couldn’t get out, and as the pressure of his knack built and built, it couldn’t get out either.

“My theory is that his very first Siren knack exploded from him, ready to bind you intensely, possibly even permanently—not on purpose, but by default due to his age and ability level. Instead, it hit your Shield and inverted, rebounding on him so strongly that it affected him in the way it would have affected you. He couldn’t fight against his own knack the first time around, not with this sort of intensification,” Katherine added a little more gently. “He didn’t have any resistance built up to applying it to himself. So he accidentally targeted himself, and the result was this intense devotion, which is only getting harder to bear as his knack becomes stronger.”

“How do we fix it?” Charlie demanded. “How to we help him break out of this cycle?”

“I’m note entirely sure you can.” Katherine didn’t sound happy about that—probably not for Ari’s sake though, more because she hated not knowing things. “The initial inversion was caused by intense emotional and physical trauma. In order to present a situation in which the knack could be redirected, the boy would have to be in a new traumatic situation, one which would have to involve you. Not physical—I’m not saying you would have to hurt him. But some sort of emotional or mental wounding would need to happen in order for the inversion to re-express itself and turn his Siren knack around the way it’s meant to face, so to speak.”

Oh, fuck. That sounded hellish. It sounded…well, impossible.

“It’s entirely likely there are other options out there, but this is the one with the highest rate of success that I’ve considered,” Katherine went on. “And even then, these sort of attempts were only successful about a third of the time in the cases I could find. There’s really not a lot of research on the subject, which is a shame. I wonder…”

“No,” John interjected. “Don’t even think about it.”

“Silly thing, you don’t know what I’m thinking,” Katherine said. “Let’s just shelve this conversation for now, shall we? Please extend an offer to the child’s mother from me, John. I’d love to be able to take a closer look at him, and you, Sergeant Verlaine. Perhaps I could be of more assistance that way.”

“Thanks but no thanks. Bye now.” John ended the call. He took a deep breath, then looked at Charlie, who was staring blankly at the phone. “Are you okay?”

“No.” Charlie ran his hand down his face. “Nope. Not really. I mean, I’ve basically just been told that I Shielded Ari into damaging himself, so…yeah, not okay.”

“You didn’t,” John protested. “You saved him.”

“I didn’t need the internal Shield to do that.” Charlie sounded angry at himself. “It was a bad situation, but not that bad. My outer Shield was holding fine, I could have…I should have…”

“Charlie.” John reached for him, but Charlie flinched away.

“I need to go…shower. Or…or something.” He left, and the empty space between them felt wider than the Grand Canyon to John.

He’d only brought this to Katherine to get help, and he sort of had. So why did he feel so awful about it now?

Oh yeah, because you’re going to have to traumatize a kid in order to maybe, maaaaaybe cure him.

Real fucking swell.