Tuesday, December 17, 2013

The Desolation of Christmas!!!

Out In Colorado Christmas Blog Hop

It's blog hop time!  The Colorado M/M authors group is hopping all over the place, and I'm number five on the list.  We're all supposed to write a post on something appropriate for the holidays, and at the end of the hop one lucky commenter will win a $50 gift certificate to Amazon (check out the link just below Marie Sexton's lovely graphic overhead for links to other posts).

***PS, if you're here looking for the next post for The Academy, it'll be up later today, I promise.  Just roll with this.***

Of our author's group, the culinarily competent might share a recipe, while the busy bee might talk about an upcoming release.  Where is my heart, though?  Well, to be frank, it's still all wrapped up in The Hobbit, so that's the post you're getting.  It's time for tidings of Christmas cheer through the lens of The Desolation of Smaug.  No spoilers, just...lamentations.

Show yourself...thief!  I mean, guest!

How does our hapless holiday begin?  First, let's set the scene.  Are you in one of those families that has more branches than a tree, and every single one of them wants to host you this year?  And no matter who you give in to, someone else is going to be mortally offended that you didn't pick them?

What do you mean, you won't be here?!?
It doesn't matter if you swear to be with them next year, because this year was the year they wanted you, and why didn't you buy airfare before it was so expensive, and don't you know this is the last year they could have had you there because next year they'll have to kowtow to the other side of their own family?  For fuck's sake.  Whatever, they didn't want you there anyway.

And then the people you end up going to stay with have a million things to do, and you're not comfortable watching their baby by yourself but half the reason for inviting you over was to get the free childcare, for the love of Gandalf.  There are in-laws you don't know and you don't have a car, so you can't escape this bleak little corner of suburbia, and because you're relatively young and spry by comparison to all the other guests, you get the air mattress that slowly deflates overnight as your bed.

You'll sleep there and like it, worm.
You persevere and make it through Christmas Eve and on to the day itself.  Aww, remember when Christmas Day used to be an occasion of pure joy?  All you had to do was wake your parents up early, work your way through your personal pile of gifts, then settle into a happy haze of breakfast and utter preoccupation with your new swag.

Pretties for me!
Only now you're worried that your gifts won't be up to snuff, that the kids won't like them and your siblings will roll their eyes and your parents will remark, yet again, on how if you had a real job you might have been able to afford something nice.  And by the way, your airfare was their Christmas gift to you.  Now get your gratitude on, wench, because the day has just begun and you've got face to save.

It's not worth it...but I can't refuse!
And then, at the end, when you're ready to head home after a devastating three days in the company of people you've forgotten how to deal with, you check your flight info the morning of your deliverance and discover...YOUR FLIGHT HAS BEEN CANCELLED!  SUCK IT, BITCHES!!!

How is this my life? 
Because of course it's all going to go wrong at the ending, this is Peter Jackson directing your Christmas, he doesn't care if you want a nice, concrete resolution.  Instead you get to watch your resolution fly off toward Lake Town, carrying all your solace and hope off with it for ANOTHER FREAKING YEAR!  Because God forbid Peter Jackson makes things easy on you.

I seem to have gotten off-track.  *ahem*  Actually, my Christmas is going to consist of me and my husband alone, at home, gifting, eating and spending time together.  Ideal, really.  I just have to get over how bloody frustrated I am with the ending of this year's installment of The Hobbit.  I would never leave you guys in limbo for a damn YEAR when it comes to an ending, and I'll prove it.

There and back...wait, no, that's taken...

So, here's the deal for our Out In Colorado group blog hop.  Leave a comment on my post (or any of the others, there's a link at the top of the post that lists them all) and you're entered to win the big gift certificate.  Some individual blogs are giving out their own Christmas gift, though, so check each post to see if there could be something in it for you.  Here's the link to yesterday's post, courtesy of A.J. Marcus: http://ajmarcus.com/blog/

But what about me?  What am I giving away?  Well, here's my thought.  Leave a nice comment on my blog, and on the day the blog hop ends (the 22nd) I'll pick one person here and offer them: a) a $10 gift certificate to Amazon, because you can never have too many of those, or b) a vignette follow-up to any story of mine I've ever written, ever.  Has an ending left you unsatisfied?  Do you wish you knew what happened next?  I will write a new scene (can't guarantee length) about life in the HEA, or wherever I left that particular story.  Any couple, any work.  Because we all deserve Christmas closure, damn it.

And keep following along!  The blog hop doesn't end with me.  Tomorrow's post will be courtesy of Carter Quinn, who incidentally just placed highly in the Rainbow Awards with his book Out of the Blackness:  http://carterquinnbooks.com/


  1. Too funny. And I love the Hobbit comments. Have a very happy holiday.

    1. Hi Avid!

      The Hobbit's a fave of mine, I couldn't resist. Stay tuned for the 22nd, and Happy Holidays to you too, darlin.

  2. I'm a big fan of yours, even though you aren't as prolific as I'd like! BTW, you already know how the Hobbit will end, Bilbo will wind up back in the Shire.

    1. Susan!!!

      I wish I could be more prolific. Maybe that should be my word for 2014: prolific. Or production. Or something like that. And yes, I do have a satisfying ending to look forward to with The Hobbit, but all the knowing in the world doesn't make up for the fact that the next movie isn't out for a freaking YEAR! Meh.

      Stay tuned for the 22nd, and happy holidays:)

  3. Read the Hobbit when I was about nine and had a bad accident and was off school for six weeks it started me on the road to reading and a love of books.


    1. Hi ShirleyAnn:)

      The Hobbit is such a gateway book for so many of us. My dad read it to me as a child, and after that I was sunk. Check back on the 22nd, and happy holidays!

  4. Aw this is so cute!
    Thankfully, I've moved far enough away that I no longer have to worry about with who(m?) I spend any holiday! I will be on the beach or close by here in Charleston. With friends that have proven for decades they ARE friends (though sometimes I wonder why we still are lol). With my illness this past year, I have certainly been enightened as to what my family and some friends think of me...so they are no longer a part of my life. So this will be my first baggage-free Christmas, with friends that love me for who I am! :)
    Happy Hobbit-days to everyone!

    1. Scottie, baby!

      Ooh, Charleston. I'd love to be in that part of the world right now. I'm sorry for your familial difficulties, but there's something very freeing about being able to say "sayonara" to the pain and angst that comes with that kind of interaction. I hope you have a wonderfully healthy new year, and happy hobbit days right back at you!


  5. I first read The Hobbit when I was 10, I think - I was away at camp and an older dorm-mate - a total stranger - gave me her copy. And lo, my interest in SF was born... I don't remember anything anymore about the camp, but I've never forgotten her spontaneous generosity :-)

    1. What a lovely introduction to the genre! It's a book that makes connections between people, for sure. Thanks for commenting, darlin:) Check back on the 22nd, and happy holidays:)

  6. Happy blog-hop! So many talented writers in CO! There must be something in the water :-)

    I haven't seen The Hobbit 2 movie yet. I'm a little afraid. I really really loved the book but I am not hearing great things about the second movie. Also, I can't find anyone to go with me since my hubs is disinterested in seeing it. Seriously, who did I marry?!?! lol

    My hubs and I will also be solo for the holiday. Taking that time for ourselves away from our families has been a REVELATION! No drama, no stress, just warm fuzzies and relaxation. Merry Christmas!

    1. Have you gone to Hobbit 2 yet? What's with this Anchorman bs, go see the hobbit! Then see the mini episode of Sherlock, because it's just amazing and cruel and why can't it be January right now.

  7. Your posting was so funny and spot on! LOL.
    I read The Hobbit, but saw the first movie on a plane with such poor audio and tiny grainy window viewer that I still have no clue what when on. So, I'll have to watch the first one again before I can see the second one.
    strive4bst(AT) yahoo(Dot) com

    1. Hi darlin! Make a hobbit marathon of it, it'll be a fun way to pass half a day. WHen they're out, obviously. Merry Christmas!