Learning The Long Way Around

So, here's a thing to know about me: I'm not a quitter.

This is good sometimes. I've got a college degree that required three passes at Calculus 1 to get (but I finally finished that useless, completely unhelpful goddamn requirement), I've got looots of martial arts experience despite numerous lacerations, severed tendons and broken bones over the years, I stuck out two years in the Peace Corps in Togo (admittedly, with a couple of getaways) and, oh yeah, I've written some things as well. I firmly believe that persistence is key to accomplishing a lot in life.

Sometimes, though, I screw myself over by not knowing when to quit. Like when I keep backpacking even though I've got that telltale pinch in my foot, and then walk until I'm bloody. Or when I keep participating in something that's no more than rote tediousness because, well, I haven't finished it yet (Girl Scouts, oh my god. I was much better at Explorer Scouts, where I could do more outdoorsy stuff). Or, when I'm writing something and I'm not feeling it, and I'm not liking it, and I'm not having any fun but I keep on going because, well, I determined that this was the thing to be working on right now. It's on my schedule. I highlighted that bad boy. It's time to Do This Thing even though I already know I'm not going to like the way it turns out. Or, if I finally throw in the towel, I do so with a great sense of personal failure, like, "Wow, you couldn't even meet this goal. You suck, babe. Say it with me: you SUCK."

Something I recently realized about myself thanks to a friend's observation: I tend to do better when I'm writing something with humor. It doesn't have to be a comedy, but there needs to be a certain lightness to it that I can latch onto and run with. It makes the writing more enjoyable for me and, judging by reception, it makes the reading more enjoyable for whoever picks the book up. I haven't yet mastered the art of angst, or the sort of heavy, serious reads that so many authors in the genres I enjoy excel at. I do it lighter. I need the banter, the buildup, the playtime. I just do. Or, at least right now I do, because my latest story has all sorts of potential and I'm just not feeling it because it's so fucking doom and gloom. With, y'know, a happy ending, but that isn't enough. The plot needs an overhaul. The characters need more consideration. And I just need to move on to something else.

Example: if any of you have read Tempest, there's a part in the middle where things are suddenly really Not Okay for our main characters. Everything before that I wrote in three weeks (the fastest I've ever written in my life). Once I got there? I had to put the book away. For almost a year. Yeah. And then I went back to it, and it was fine, and I think it turned out pretty well!

I'm trying to get a handle on the fact that it isn't quitting to set something aside, or even scrap it entirely. It's okay. This current story doesn't have a due date; it's a thing I want to try, but I'm not there right now. Maybe I will be in a month. Maybe a year. Maybe not at all. Letting it go for now is infinitely better than pile-driving my way through a story that I'm only going to be unhappy with, though. And I kind of hate that I have to, but I'm trying to learn to be a little nicer to myself, so: "Cari. You don't suck, and you're not a failure for shelving that project. Pick something else up and run with it. It's okay."

I don't quite feel that way yet, but it's a goal, and hey, I'm not a quitter.

Brief Writer Rant!

Okay, so. Not to get up on a soapbox or anything, but really. When I send a manuscript into a publisher, a professional publisher, I expect a few things. I expect an appropriate cover, I expect timeliness with regard to edits and proofreading and galleys, and I expect for said editor to do more than change my punctuation so that it aligns with the house style. Exchanging curly quotation marks for straight and handing the manuscript back to me? That's doing both of us a disservice. Especially since I went through the story again--my own story--and found numerous word repetitions, incorrect and misspelled words, inaccurate and lazy phrasing, and minor plot holes. On my own. After checking it twice before I sent it in in the first place.

I'm not a perfect writer! Everybody who reads my blog serials understands that intimately (hi guys, sorry I'm so lame sometimes!). I want to put out a good product, I want to make something I can be proud of, and above all I want the chance to improve. When my editor just pats me on the back and says, "Nice, oh and maybe do this one thing," I'm left feeling like they didn't bother to read the damn thing. A coauthor and I just killed a 90k word novel because we didn't feel like we could make it good enough to be publishable. I would rather slash and burn my own work than slap a smile on it and call it good enough. Good enough is poison. There is no good enough, it's either good or something needs to be done to make it that way.

In that same vein, I'm getting to the point where I'm very picky about where I publish. The place I used to pin all my hopes and dreams on has essentially sunk, and now I'm figuring out what to do with myself. I'm working my ass off to write things that will take me to the next level, while learning to self-publish, keeping busy on the blog and wooing bigger presses. It's a two-way street between writers and publishers, especially in this age of digital wonders. You might be reading my stuff to evaluate whether or not you want to publish it, but I'm also evaluating you. I'm evaluating your responsiveness, your dedication to your product and how you market my work.

I like all of my current publishers, and these latest issues have all been addressed, but I was pretty disappointed to see that they needed to be addressed in the first place. If I could self-edit everything perfectly, then I'd either be a goddamn genius or have delusions of grandeur. I need my editors. Don't cut and run on me, guys.

Well. This wasn't brief at all. Sorry! Rant over.

I read too, actually...

I've been spending too much time reading lately.  I was so relieved to get my final edits done on Changing Worlds that once they were in, I completely shunned all my own work and started eating up other people's.  Now I know I have to get back on task (yes, I'm constantly thinking about Cinders, it's on its way) but I thought I'd take a moment to mention a few things that appeal to me, personally, in what I read.

There are times when I read a story and it simultaneously fills me with pleasure and depresses me, because it's so good and so different that I know nothing I write could ever compare to it.  And comparison isn't the point, every author is meant to have their own voice and I like the way I write,  but sometimes I read something and I just go, "Oh wow.  Damn."

BTW, these aren't reviews or necessarily recommendations, they're just things I've taken away from some recent reads that I've particularly enjoyed.

One thing I try to be comprehensive with in my own writing is worldbuilding, and it's probably the biggest selling point for me when it comes to other people's stuff.  Before plot, before character, I like a setting and a scene.  I want to smell and taste and hear what's going on.  Descriptions don't have to drone on, but they do have to be relevant and interesting.  I just finished The Time of the Singing by Louise Blaydon, and I absolutely loved her setting.  One of her main characters was a Catholic priest and the way things were described, from his various duties to Latin mass to how he felt about his own homosexuality in the context of church law, was all amazing.  I had to read the Latin parts out loud just so I could feel them roll off my tongue and increase my sense of atmosphere.  This writer was someone who knew Catholicism, or at least did enough research to make it seem like she knew it to me, a non-Catholic.  I loved it. 

Did I love everything else about the book?  No, I thought some of her characterization was rushed, and that she presented an unfeasably mature and forward 17-year old as a bit of a device for action.  But I read it and I will read it again, with pleasure, because of how evocative her setting was.

I appreciate a good action scene.  A lot of people try to write them, but often they come off feeling contrived and sort of "And then they were here" or "And with a feat of heroic ____, he killed his enemy."  One series I follow is Andrea Speed's Infected stories, concerning werecats in modern society, and while I love her writing for the realism she brings to an unreal subject and characters who are memorable and well rounded, her action scenes are great.  Even the ones that aren't meant to be anything special, just the description of someone walking, dancing or picking out their clothes, are all wonderful.  She doesn't overuse words (not everything we do is sexy, not even in a romance), she doesn't overuse angst (I know your life sucks, but seriously, time to get over it or die) and she has a wonderful sense of flow.  Good flow is something I'm working on, and reading her stuff just makes me more determined to get it right.

The last ones I'm going to bring up here are very popular in the genre, and rightfully so, because these books embody a sort of nebulous concept in writing, which often comes down to, "You either have it or you don't."  The Cut and Run series starring FBI agenty Ty Grady and Zane Garrett are some of the most fun you can have while reading.  The characters are delightful, the plots are interesting, the sex is very hot, and nothing is rushed--these are some long books, people.  Very satisfying to read, and satisfaction is important in erotic romance.  Again, are the books perfect?  No.  Because they're written by two authors, Madeleine Urban and Abigail Roux, there are two distinct voices in the text.  In the case of dialogue this can work very well, but sometimes it can be jarring.  They're an impressive accomplishment of collaboration, however, and so much fun to read.  In fact, as an author who's never successfully coauthored with anyone, I read them a little wistfully too. 

So!  Just thought I'd throw this out there, since it's been a while since my last post and Cinders isn't ready for you.  Feel free to throw some recs my way if you can think of something that might appeal to me, I love knowing who else is in the library of my readers. 

Back To Work, Woman!

Hi there!

So, I've gotten some distance, made some space, now I can look at my blog rationally and figure out the next step.  Yes I'll keep posting excerpts and news of my upcoming publications here, and yes I'll throw in the occasional RL tidbit, but the real thing that this blog motivates me to do is to write.  I'm the sort of person who functions better under a deadline, weird but true.  If I want to be really productive, I either have to exercise the kind of discipline that comes my way about once every six months and regiment myself, or rely on outside sources to do it for me.  Hence the indespensibleness of my readerwife and the other people who follow what I write and then tap me with the "Get Your Ass Back To Work" stick.

It has to be something I can bring myself to focus on, though.  I can't write too much of the same thing or my mind starts to melt.  I want to do another series on this blog, but genres that are currently off-limits are, in no particular order: science fiction, urban fantasy, anything having to do with shapeshifters, fairies or vampires... I'm juggling several novellas and a novel right now, which will be totally fun once they're done but currently are eating my brain.  Anyway.  Feel free to suggest a topic, a situation or even just a theme.  I love you and your help:)

In other news, I've put the first eight parts of Pandora together and put them into the queue on Literotica.  I did end up changing a few bits and pieces, and it reads very nicely in its longer version, so even if you've already finished it you might want to check it out again.  Give it a few days.  There will probably be four extended parts altogether.

Ding! Next Round...

So...just let me get this moment out before the really relevant stuff, dahlings.

Hindsight seems to be showing that my man and I should have just gone with public transportation instead of persnal vehicles on our return.  1 inch of snow shouldn't make driving so hard, but I swear people who are awesome in a foot of snow suck in 1 inch of it.  This morning going to work, some poor lady's Explorer swung a fishhook and crashed into my little car's front end, driving us both off the road.  She had insurance but no drivers license (how does one accomplish that anyway?) and in my compassion (weakness?) I didin't call the cops to officiate our accident.  On the plus side, all this has resulted in me missing work today!  On the minus side I have to make up all my client visits tomorrow, in what car I don't know, but I have to find one by then.  Joy.

Okay, gripe over with.  Holy crap, guys, thanks for reading Pandora!  I have some work to do before it's ready to post on Lit, but hopefully the first collected installment will be up around the end of the month.  I'm writing a sequel to Shadowed, probably the last installment in that series even though I adore Danny and Reese.  My follow-up novel to the short story Opening Worlds is written and beginning the editing process.  I linked the first chapter a while back.  The whole thing came out pretty darn good, I think.  I'm going to submit stories for a few anthologies in the coming months, because damn it, I love doing anthologies.  So much less stress, so fun to see other people's take on an idea.  Oh, and, my short story Different Spheres will be out with Dreamspinner Press sometime in the next month, I believe.  I think Jana's the only one who's read that so far, but I think you guys will like it.  There are excerpts posted somewhere on this blog:)

In other news, I'm hopefully going to have a website--a real website, all big-girl and everything--up soon.  The blog will be coming along for the ride, but gosh, the whole thought of it makes me feel so official.  Like now I need something else to strive for, like a cabana boy, and a cabana for him to be a boy at.  Or something.  Kinda tired and knocked around here.

I hope your new year has gotten off to a safe and successful start.  Stick with me, guys, 2012 is going to be an exciting, creatively productive year.  Next post: where the hell do I go from here?  Or, name that serial story.

How I Do It These Days

Concerning my writing process, that is, not my sex life:)
A good question deserves a thoughtful answer, and I had to think for a while about how I write before putting this together. Some writers don’t like people to know about how they do things because they don’t feel like unveiling the mystique. Other writers love sharing and want to give you a blow by blow look into how a story comes about. I don’t feel brimful of mystique, but I’m not a blow by blow kind of girl either, kinky as that may be, so this post attempts to lay out my writing process in a general kind of way. Specifics vary depending on the projects that loom.

All writers need some structure, I think, at least if they’re serious about it. The muse is capricious and can’t be relied on to carry you through a story. Inspiration is wonderful for ideas and for beginnings, but in the end the only thing that finishes a story sometimes is forcing yourself to do so. Will it be as wonderful as the beginning, when you fluttered through plot and character light-footed and fancy free? Maybe not, but that’s what editing is for. A lot of people tell me that they have no trouble beginning a story, but can never finish one. I commiserate. Reach deep and find the font of good-willed sadomasochism inside of you, and make yourself finish it. Ignore the other tantalizing beginnings. You’ll feel so much better when you finish the one you’re on.

I’m not as structured here in Africa as I could be in America. Some days I work in the clinic all day, some days we have no electricity, some days I’m just too sick to muster the energy. Overall, though, I try to have at least four days a week where I’ve done something really productive, either a big piece of story begun, middled or ended, or a next piece written or something important plotted. I only give myself specific word counts when I’m working on something big that has to be done by a certain time. NaNoWriMo was great for that. I don’t write a lot of novels (not yet at any rate), so word counts are easier to meet when I’ve only got to get down 5k, or 10k, or even 20k. On a good day I can write about 5k before my eyes start bleeding. On a bad day, I have to force myself to hit one thousand words.

I write for a lot of anthologies, because I find it a great way to get to know a new publisher and also to get a broader spectrum of people interested in my work. I have a master document that details all the calls for submissions I’ve found that I’m interested in. As the deadline gets closer, I evaluate the call and decide if it’s really interesting to me, if I can squeeze it in without other things suffering, if I can do it justice, etc. If it’s a go I usually get it done within a week. If not, I delete it and move on to other things.

Some people who read my stuff have noticed that it takes me a long time to get a sequel up. When I finish with something, I tend to need to take a huge breath and shove it away from me for awhile, or risk ruining it with rewrites. I’m trying to diminish the time between submissions, though. Breaking an old habit and making a new one is hard, but if the goal is to keep improving (which mine is) I have to constantly revamp my work ethic.

One thing that revs my motivation is the expectation of others, which is why working with another person on a story or hearing from people who expect my next piece of work can make the difference between a project that languishes in the “in progress” folder and one that leaps to the “fully drafted” folder. Is it good for me to rely on others to help me finish things? No, but it is human and I’m as human as they come, and being part of a community is not only a good thing, it’s a necessary thing for a lot of writers. My community right now, while small, is a wonderful help to me. I appreciate every email, every comment, every outreach, and I try to respond in turn as I can.

Honestly, I’m not as structured as I’d like to be, but I do continually try to improve how I do things and what I produce. Writers who are static in their work are either already amazing, happily formulaic or unrepentantly lazy. I see the room for improvement in my own work and that’s a large part of what keeps me going. I have to strive to do better or risk being a dilettante, and because no other career paths really appeal to me at this point, I’d better become the best writer I possibly can. That’s one thing being a Peace Corps volunteer has helped with: honestly apprising my interests. There are fewer distractions when there is next to no media, shopping or the expectations of family/friends. I love writing, I have to write and so I’d better do the best job I can with it, because otherwise I’m cheating myself.

Aaand that’s enough of that for now. Suggestions on improving the process are welcome, by the by. I freely acknowledge there’s a lot I don’t know about that could help me out. Share with me! Thanks to Tiffany for the suggestions already given, btw.

Research And Destroy

I’ve been thinking a little (okay, a lot) lately about the end of my service in about half a year and what I’ll do back in, in all probability, the US of A. Looming on the horizon are things like where to spend the much-diminished remainder of our vacation, negotiating how to get home with all our accumulated crap of over two years of living, finding work or going back to school or, in all probability, doing both. Lots of stuff to think on with great potential to overwhelm. Joy!


Writing is, of course, a given, and probably the one thing I have to look forward to (apart from, you know, always having 1st world amenities like running water) that will get vastly easier with our return. Not that I’ll have more time for it, but that researching my topics of interest won’t cost me the equivalent of a day’s pay and a year’s patience.

I have the offline version of Wikipedia, which has been a godsend, but it’s almost impossible to load a website on the local connections that has any graphics worth mentioning. I can’t watch videos or download large files. Getting an e-book is usually a prospect of hours, but I’m grateful I can get them at all. Still, it makes me long for high speed internet.

I take my research pretty seriously. I’m the child of a historian, and we couldn’t travel anywhere of consequence in my youth without my dad pointing out historical landmarks and battle sites and monuments. Every vacation included a museum. I didn’t savor it then, but clearly his influence has a presence in me, because if I don’t know the details of a place or thing I’m reluctant to write about it. Some writers just go with the flow and don’t worry about synchronizing details because the characters are more important to them. Some writers write about places they know intimately and therefore don’t have to research. Others write pure fantasy that allows them to make up whatever they want on the spot and go with it.

I do some of all of those things, but I’m also riddled with the niggling need to check and double check my facts. The thought of rambling into a historical setting laissez-faire style and plopping my characters down on, I don’t know, wrought iron benches in Bronze Age Mesopotamia makes me want to beat my head in with my computer. This reluctance of mine to sally forth into the great unknown for the sake of grandeur has killed a few really promising stories in their infancy over here, and I hope to be able to ameliorate that problem when I get back. Is this a common problem? I’ve no idea.

In the meantime I’ll write more for Pandora, which has the wonderful quality of being almost entirely the product of my own mind and therefore subject only to my rules and the generally accepted rules of the genre of space opera.

And I'm a sucker for puns, dammit.  Forgive the title.